My room smells like vodka and shame
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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