in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
