I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
