I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
