is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
