My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
