I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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