This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
