her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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