Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
