Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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