Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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