I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
