I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
