he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
