did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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