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• (503): View more from Oregon

  never play flip cup with pint glasses

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning

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• (731): View more from Tennessee

  He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....

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• (951): View more from California

  It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink

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• (650): View more from California

  Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse

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• (561): View more from Florida

  I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka

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• (626): View more from California

  Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.

  (1-626): View more from California

  I see you met someone special

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• (585): View more from New York

  Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  "I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I want to create a human. Discussion later.

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