okay pat passed out under dana's car
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
