i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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