And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
