WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
