I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
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There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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