my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
