the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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