So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
