Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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