She is in my trunk
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
