woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
