apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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