i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
