If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
