Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize