Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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