is your mom at the bar?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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