we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
