i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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