there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I looked at my own cervix.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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