Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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