so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
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I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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