no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
