So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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