I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize