WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
