Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
