He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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