Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
