my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
