someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
