she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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