What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
