matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
