NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wear drunk well.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
