yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
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Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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