If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
