She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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