how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
