she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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