I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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