So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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