He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
