someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
