i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
