either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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