Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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